Wheatus – Just A Dirtbag Christmas Review

Ring in those bells. Cash in those one-hit wonders. Wheatus has seen the gravy train. They caught wind of it and pursued it. Rightly so. The Darkness and the likes of the early 2000s bands desperate to hit the same financial high as Slade or The Pogues come through and prattle off their festive numbers. Nowhere has it been more egregious than Just a Dirtbag Christmas – a clear and cheap shot at the good tidings of snowy intervals, patched up with music to pass the time. Pass on this EP, then, for it is nothing new, just frontman Brendan B. Brown twiddling his thumbs, Tipex-ing over a few words and stencilling in “Christmas”. Cheap stuff, but the tacky trials are mirrored by what the season has become.  

Attract attention to a state of Christmas bliss, then, ring in those bells. More or less the same instrumentals for Christmas Dirtbag bar a minor inclusion of sleigh bell rings and electronic whiffles. Brown still has a vocal range capable of hitting those classic notes – and that is more a shame for the Wheatus frontman who wastes such a rare octave on a half-hearted Christmas track than it is for listeners. Those lending an ear to this one will be unmoved at best by these cheap and lazy trade-offs for Santa Claus instead of the Noelle featured in the original. Farewell, Iron Maiden, you make way for forgotten Christmas presents and soon the ode of love is sent toward a jolly red suit-wearing man rather than a teenage crush.  

Still, the minor changes made – Santa Claus cameos and AC/DC tickets instead of Iron Maiden and all the likes, are awful. It is far beyond this awful cover though, there are of course some other bits and pieces attached to this Christmas-themed EP. You Made Me Believe In Christmas is a grim piece which hears those previously praised vocal ranges come under real fire. For a man who brags about hating cheesy Christmas decorations, he sure does have a lot of cheesy songs in his arsenal. Guest vocals from Gabrielle Sterbenz on Feels Like Christmas elevate Wheatus from phoning it in to passable material. Smooth grooves and a resignation from power pop to bring out a sincere, festive-oriented track is a neat change of pace.  

Fear the Christmas spectacle from alleged one-hit wonders. Wheatus are too afraid to go without the crutch of Teenage Dirtbag when launching projects which, potentially, could have value to them. Just a Dirtbag Christmas proves the band are basing their identity on their past – something which prevents them from truly spreading their efforts out and moving to the next stage of their identity. Pockets of this EP do work but are relentlessly tied to covers of their old and best-known material. Mean Christmas does the same as Feels Like Christmas – acceptably festive and message-oriented tunes Wheatus can offer as an extension of their style. But the Teenage Dirtbag allegiance torpedoes this one, shamefully so. Shuffle off before the string quartet edition of Teenage Dirtbag comes through. A band with four of their five top songs on Spotify being the same track, one a recently released Christmas rendition, is a sign of severe stagnation.