The Reytons – Ballad of a Bystander Review

Paint by numbers with just one colour, a bland blanket of tunes pour through The Reytons, their latest piece not having the sheen of independence and chart-topping trivialities. Peculiar it is to brag of being number one in a day and age where Elton John hits are a permanent fixture, it worked as a marketing ploy for The Reytons and gave them some space to gear up for their third album. It proves neither a shock to the system nor a challenge against the already poorly performed values held by What’s Rock and Roll?. The Reytons are now clawing desperately at a spot on a Sky Sports advert with their aggrandised and horrendously simplistic view of the world – all their thoughts, all three of them, can be heard on Ballad of a Bystander. 

Thoughts such as “Arctic Monkeys were better when Mardy Bum was a belter,” and “we need to kick mental health trouble out of football” ring around this record, one which feels as lazy and loose as Jamie Webster’s upcoming 10 for the People. Both suffer the same malaise and off-kilter form which provides exceptional instrumental work which only highlights how weak and peddled their lyrics are. Tonally similar follow-up Worlds Greatest Actor uses the new-build home aesthetic of champers and red carpets not as a tool of mockery as first perceived but as something to achieve – a perspective of desire for the grey walls and cream couches of the new generation. Perhaps the trouble is The Reytons feel like a sum of dull parts left behind a decade ago. AM-era Arctic Monkeys and The Hunna had each band suffered a head wound.  

Three gruelling singles and a few bits of album fodder. Whet the whistle, of these mocking indie crimes which try and square up to Idles with Not Today Mate. No chance of that, because The Reytons are set on rhyming and fitting themselves into Tesco aisles and warm homes instead of squaring up their own experiences. Ballad of a Bystander juts out as a clear bit of cosplay for the working class, the rips and obvious draws from other bands who covered these periods with warmth and realness heard throughout. Soulless disgraces filter through every track as The Reytons make a mockery of those in need of help, their charmless two-step interludes a slap to the mouth of anyone who hopes to hear their struggles championed. At least Bob Vylan and the likes are still kicking around.  

Shuffle the deck of dull and overexposed social issues and make no new comment. The Reytons are keen to repeat what has already been said and it is depressing to hear so considering the subtle changes of pace in their instrumental direction – however brief those spots may be. Apt it is for The Reytons to provide 2006 as their penultimate number. The Knees Up which closes this latest dreck from the wannabe cool kids coughing on their vape smoke at the back of the room is submerged in poor influences and poorer results. Ballad of a Bystander may as well be a bit of wreckage hauled up from the mid-2000s. It certainly has the attitude of a shipwrecked, ragtag group who instead of listening to one another kept describing The Libertines and The Ordinary Boys as “mega”. An audible lobotomy, but a shining example of how quick a slide into mediocrity the UK’s festival circuit has taken.