Marky Mark must be desperate to recruit a new wave of the Funky Bunch as he traipses around Uncharted, attempting to appear presentable in a slate of future releases and past films that are questionable at best. Wahlberg has not had the greatest run of form, but nor has starring partner for this Ruben Fleischer-directed feature, Tom Holland. Outside of his meandering and acceptable application of Spider-Man, Holland has churned out dud after dud after dud. Uncharted is another dud, but one that is far beyond that of the horrifically timed Cherry or the entirely redundant Onward. That is progress for both Marky Mark and Holland, who try to champion the video game adaptation genre as best they can.
With a grand ensemble like this, it is clear to see that director Jon Watts is acting on the orders of Marvel. Cram the well-refined characters of the Sam Raimi universe and the not-so intensified versions of the Andrew Garfield features into the Marvel meat grinder. Chow down on a big bowl of nostalgia, where once defined characters come together for a big, boring blowout. The Multiverse was hyped up long before Spider-Man: No Way Home was ever announced, yet it is still, in the words of Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) something we know “frighteningly little” about.
From premise alone, it is clear Cherry will run on all the predictable cladding necessary for a dramatic crime thriller. Pulling down Marvel’s safety blanket, Tom Holland, along with brothers Joe and Anthony Russo, find themselves exposed to the harsh realities of life. Their nonsense will not stick here, and rightly so, for they have crafted an utterly deplorable film. Emotionless films are nothing out of the ordinary, but when you have to denote a prologue with a size thirty-six font with “PROLOGUE”, you have misjudged your audience. You are not preaching to dumbfounded basement dwellers and children ready to sweep up the latest batch of action figures now, Russo’s, you do have to try. Someone should have relayed that to them before they entered production on Cherry because the glossy sheen and security they revel in is undesirable and stagnant.