Think about the songs which have defined football tournaments in the past. Vindaloo, Three Lions, and Bittersweet Symphony are a mixed bag to say the least. Two songs overplayed to the point of meaninglessness, and The Lightning Seeds’ finest hour. But take the worst aspects of all three and distil them into Desire, the latest Robbie Williams song. Despite the box office bomb of Better Man, the strength of his cheeky monkey autobiography has been a revolution for his public image. It has done very little for his music, though, which seems stuck between genuine innovation with Black Sabbath-featuring Rocket and the safest music possible, made to connect with everyone, and thus nobody, with Desire. We were once freed from desire, as Wigan fans will tell you, but we are back with that lust. FIFA’s official anthem is, unfortunately, not just Bob Dylan’s Desire in full. They just had to ruin the feel-good fashion of football with Williams’ worst work to date.
A withering and pathetic piece of music. Inevitable string sections and half-hearted lyrical selections, which lead to loving the beautiful game. There is a difference between writing a song celebrating football and a track which hails FIFA. Tone deaf work from Williams and featured artist Laura Pausini, to say the least. Nearly every trivial football cliché is hit on. It’s a miracle Williams doesn’t end the song by saying “the game’s gone,” and then blowing into a vuvuzela. Compare this to previous songs associated with football and note that, despite the scrappy sound to Baddiel and Skinner or K’Naan, there is heart and genuine passion. Williams managed to make football a major part of his image during his chart-topping days. Sing When You’re Winning highlights that genuine love. Writing about a true passion is tricky, though Williams has done it before. Is he running on empty with Desire, or does he just not care? Both are more than likely.
Not just poor but tone deaf, too. “Dignity for the weak in the arms of the brave” is the opening line to a song dedicated to FIFA, a company with more human rights violation controversies than most sporting bodies. Football unites a community, or it used to. The beautiful game has been ripped from the hands of the working class and given to those who can accept the highest bidder for global sporting events. Williams not noting this is cowardly and it tucks him into the pocket of brands. There is safety in corporations for those who can afford to sacrifice their values. Between this and suggesting generative artificial intelligence has been used on his upcoming album, Britpop, the fall-off of Williams needs to be actively rooted for, rather than passively hoped for. He rebuilt plenty of bridges with Better Man, but Desire is a revolting, tone-deaf piece of work.
Irrespective of the guilt which should come after writing a song fawning over FIFA, Williams should be ashamed of just how bad it is. A 4D chess move, perhaps, to bring negativity to the brand? Not so. Manipulating your emotions and dignity with some unimpressive string sections and a scattershot of mundane comments on the game, a bit of “one love” here, a splash of “chase the sun” there, it’s sportswashing in song form. Williams has done as much damage to our ears here as Roy Keane did to Alfie Haaland. We can only hope in his next Soccer Aid appearance that Stylian Petrov two-foots him, an act of protecting the true, beautiful game. Corporations with their claws in sports of working-class origins is no surprise, though it is horrendous to hear Williams, whose unquestionable love for the game is found in his ties to Port Vale, is so keen to shake the grubby FIFA hand.
